Fated Strife

Well… this week has been hectic which isn’t suprising. I had an appointment at the allergist Monday and got that over with, I’m now getting my injections only once a week thankfully. I was supposed to go to doctor sullivans tuesday but had to get it rescheduled for Wednesday morning, went in blah blah, gotta have endo tomorrow morning. I had to go to the outpatient center after my GI visit yesterday. They were doing xray and ct of abdomen/pelvis to check for blockage and to check appendix and such. Got xray taken care of and such and had to wait for a bit for the CT, got taken back and then it hit me, how are they going to see any abnormalities in my intestine without barium.. thats when I knew.. I had to have a barium enema The CT tech was like I am going to need you to lay down here and I’ll have to “insert the end of this here tube into your rectum”. I about died how nonchalant he was about it. Was going through what they did (like that comforted me) and I finally just let him know I’ve had these before, so got that stuff done. My colon has been upset since then.
Anyway I was supposed to go to the GI tomorrow at noon-o-clock but they called and changed it to tomororw morning at 07:00. That means early early sleep tonight instead of my planned stay up a bit late.
Had to email Gina too since my aol isn’t letting me on, I think my router’s firewall had a stroke or something as it’s been funking up the past few days

I hate when I am sick or such as that keeps me off the computer usually, and that in turn makes people mad at me because I’m not on but they don’t understand that when your abdomen is cramping and twisting sitting up isnt the best feeling in the world. bah

I’ve been reading the webcomic Ctrl+Alt+Del lately, it’s a great comic too! I ordered 2 shirts one from that comic and one from VG Cats. hehe They are the Ethan shirt from CAD, and the Rat-Flail one from VGCats.

I went with mother earlier to the walmart, didn’t really see much to get, I got a Yoda figure from the RotS series and looked in dvds and games but nothing really to get. MASH season 7 and 8 are on DVD now apparently.

The following song “Jitterbug Waltz” by “Fats” Waller has caught my attention, actually the one I heard and like is the one done by Mandy Patinkin. Great song and singer.

The night is getting on
The band is getting slow
The crowd is almost gone
But here we are still dancing

Nothing to do, but waltz

Our feet can barely move
My legs are yelling “Whoa”
But we’re in such a groove
And love is still advancing

Nothing to do, but waltz

You can’t suggest that we could go on jitterbugging
No bugging

We’ve nothing left for moves more strenuous than hugging
Just hugging

But we don’t need much room to gently cut-a-rug in, we two

We’re dead on our feet
And the sauce is repeatin’
But what can you do?

I tried another juice
And get from head to toe
My body’s feeling loose
And warm and kind of supple

Nothing to do, but waltz

My man would slip away
My arms just won’t let go
I think I’d like to stay,
Till we’re the only couple

Nothing to do, but waltz

You never know how far this sort of thing can get you
One never knows, one never, never knows

We’re not as tired as we would like to think, I bet you
You stay up half the night with me, if I would let you
Yes

So come, let the waltz play again

Well I didn’t get a chance to update this weekend as I planned… I had to make a run to the ER Saturday night as I was vomiting up fair amount of blood, more than I had before so it kinda scared me.
I went in and got taken back pretty quick, seemed to not be a busy night like it can be at times. I got back there and the nurses ganged up on me and was trying to get an IV inserted so they could give me whatever if they needed to and also to take blood for labs. The doctor came in after awhile and talked to me and such and disappeared around midnight, they were starting to take their lunches around then but she was out there and to put it simply, though GI bleeds can be very bad things, she had more important cases to deal with (people with heart stuff and the like), if I needed someone I could get their attention pretty quick as my curtain wasn’t pulled closed all the way and I could see the nurses station from my bed.

So anyway, she got me a GI cocktail mixed up, from what I could tell it was lidocaine, mylanta possibly, and dunno what else, wasn’t too bad tasting but I knew the lidocaine taste as soon as it was in my mouth. They were trying to see if it’d help my stomach but it never did, numbed it a tad but that was gone pretty quick. She eventually came back in and said we were going to have to put in a NG tube (nasogastric tube, a tube which goes through your nose down your throat into your stomach to add and remove fluids). The nurse came in and was telling me not to try to pull the tube out and such and she sprayed my throat with hurricane spray (numbs it pretty good), commented that people had said it smelled like bananas but I couldn’t tell that, tasted like crap and smelled the same. She sprayed a bit in the ky jelly and got the tube all prepped, I have to say that was one of the most uncomfortable feelings EVER, it hurt like hell and then I had to swallow the freaking thing so it would go down which in turn got my gag reflex going pretty wild, finally got it in my gut and pumped out stomach acid and bile, no food, no drink, no blood. All that torture to find nothing, so she removed it with a nice clean pull and my nose was pouring crap out including blood from the horrible tube and stuff.

I had to go to the allergist yesterday morning, thankfully I am on shots once a week now instead of twice a week. I got sick yesterday after I tried to eat some breakfast, I was able to eat a small amount last night but didn’t help so my mom called Sullivan’s office and got me an appointment for this afternoon at 15:00. I know what will most likely happen, I’ll be prepped for an endo, but with this endo I have the Bravo capsule inserted into my esophagus to measure the acid thats pouring out of my stomach. This was planned earlier and was going to be done if I wasn’t feeling better with the reflux and such and this bleeding made it worse. Just grand. At least I am getting all this over with before my health insurance is gone (which I am losing in a few weeks thanks to TennCare’s ignorance of throwing most of the people off).

I got to talk to Gina some Sunday which was good, but didn’t get to talk with her yesterday any. She sent me an ecard which was pretty cute and gotta thank her for that.

uhh hrmm.. I guess that’s it, not much else going on, playing FFXI some but not really doing all that much in it, just talk to people on there mostly and doing some questing with my buddy Dhalsim

That’s it for now, maybe an update later after the doctor.

Casey would waltz
With the strawberry blonde
And the band played on.
He’d glide ‘cross the floor
With the girl he’d adore
And the band played on.
But his brain was so loaded
It nearly exploded
The poor girl
Would shake with alarm
He’d ne’er leave the girl
With the strawberry curl
And the band played on.

Hmm lets try to recap the past few days.. uhh storms, more storms and even more storms! Fun fun, my sleep schedule has been all screwed up too, some days I can wake up at the crack of dawn (which I was doing for quite a while and still do) and sometimes I just can’t fall asleep at night and don’t get to sleep til extremely late (such as the case today).

I got up around 13 or 14:00, my mom had called her car wouldn’t start so that meant I had to drag myself out of the bed and drive down there and dig some jumper cables outta my trunk (that was the hard part, they were stuck under a server, 2 tires, and some other junk.

Got her jumpstarted and all and grabbed me some grub from Pals.

Got home watched it storm again >.> Dhal got on around 5 or 6 I think and we quested some. I talked with Gina for an hour or two, she got her laptop back so we can talk more often. Her aid showed up so she had to go and I finished up my questing and picked up some trash and layed down and watched The Residents that tivo had recorded for me.

I had to get up to use the bathroom and turned on my monitors to check for mail and such and saw Gina had sent me a message saying she wanted to talk that she was sad. I feel bad now that I wasnt there for her to talk to
Hell makes me feel bad when I’m not there to listen for anyone as people know they can come to talk to me and I do my best to help them out.

Nevian had sent me a message asking for help for a BCNM fight, I went and helped him but we failed twice so gonna try maybe this weekend to help him out if we can get some quality help.

I found out the other day that I will be losing my health insurance… this is NOT a good thing, no it doesn’t just suck, it blows. Without my insurance I can’t afford alot of the medications I need to function (ie Effexor (for my crazyness) and my Nexium) and this also comes at a bad time as I was set to have my esophagus infiltrated with a scope again and having a bravo capsule inserted to monitor my acidity in my stomach.. something that needs to be done. damn damn damn
I will be filling out the forms they sent and writing a nice little letter to them as well about this. They are kicking people left and right lately.

hmm I guess thats about it, gotta get my shots tomorrow sometime I guess.

Today I woke up pretty early, around 7-8:00 which was a suprise. I talked to Dhal for a little bit online then went to go get my shots.. unfortunately the place was packed so I had went in and signed in then went to the bathroom washed my hands went back out and scratched my name out and left. I would’ve stayed but it would’ve took forever so it can wait til tomorrow.

I had to make a quick trip out to the store today to pick up a present that I had been paying on for sometime now. Today I got to finally bring it home. Also with uploading pictures of my present I uploaded a new picture of Adam.

Unfortunately I never did get to talk to Gina today which sucks I hope she gets her laptop back soon.

It’s been storming most of the evening, had to run out to the convience store for a drink and something to eat and saw some beautiful lightning.

I had a reasoning behind the title of this entry because I was going to go into one of my talks about phsychology and how to help yourself from depression, unfortunately it will have to wait until I can get some time to sit down and think everything out and type it.

I guess that’s really it for now, tired so gonna try to sleep some.