Fated Strife

I’m going ot summarize the past few weeks as much as possible. My depression and anxiety got worse, I was taken of the ativan and placed on Buspar and Lunesta (which both seems to have helped some with anxiety and sleep) but my depression is still hanging around causing trouble. Mood swings from hell and emotions all screwed up. Ok last week had an endoscopy done, went well woke up from it sick and vomiting so they have me some promethazine, got home, ate a little, puked more (with blood) etc. Started feeling bad Thursday night (maybe Friday) and now developing some sort of cold or something. Hoping to fight it off and wont get too bad as I havent been sick in quite a many months.

Need to get back to Gina and talk to her some as I’m sure shes missing talking to much as do I. Just havent really looked at computer to check email or anything. I also need to setup CoP run for LS this week for either Thursday or Wednesday depending on if Yak is working either of those days. Gotta keep eye out for letter ima supposed to get in mail and now I need to get to sleep.

I figured I’d also post this picture as it’s a picture of me and my best friend drake. He’s been there to hear my problems and get bitched at when my mood goes awry (Derkhan also has been a great help) so hopefully I’ll get through all this soon and be back to my usual monotone self

In closing a song from Matthew West called Next Thing You Know on his album History.

I remember when I was thirteen
I saw a picture on my TV screen
The Reverend Billy Graham and the people sing “Just As I Am”
And I felt like You were talking to me

And the whole world seemed to fade away
Until I heard my mother say
“Son, are you ok? Do you wanna pray?
And that became the hour I first believed

Chorus:
And next thing you know
I’m high and flying, next thing you know
My heart is in Your hands, next thing you know
There is no denying, next thing you know
I’m a brand new man

Well I wish I could say I always stayed right there
And I did until my freshman year
But the world was pulling me along way from thirteen
And You were calling but I didn’t hear

Still I knew there was something more
So one day my knees hit the dorm room floor
I said “If You’re there and if You really care
Come and talk to me like I was thirteen”

Chorus:

I Got a picture in my head today
Of how Heaven might look someday
I see the people there so I pull up a chair
And their stories they blew me away

‘Cause I can see it on every face
Their evidence of grace
And as I listen it occurs to me
Everybody’s got their own thirteen

(2X’s)
So what’s your story about His glory?
You gotta find your place in the history of grace

Chorus: (2X’s)

Sitting by in the evening sand—
Twilight, the song of peace;
Clouds dance up with the heavens’ stars,
Chanting the name of joyous bliss.

Water fades back from wood to jade,
Gliding on rainbows high;
Flowers bloom into brazen whites,
Reaching our hearts when they’re entwined.

Angels chained by a beast locked in slumber;
Sin washed away by the swift flow of time.

I may know the answers,
Though one question I still hear:
What twisted fate has brought us
To worlds that run so near?

Distant worlds together,
Nearer ’cause when once we are,
When I find words inside me
To sing to you this song—

To sing with you this song;
To sing to you, your song.

Hmm, not really a whole lot to write about, made a great new friend in ffxi.
Finally leveled whm to 64, finished up some quests and such.

This past week hasn’t really been too great, my depression has dragged me deep deep into the abyss and the effexor can’t seem to get me out of it. My emotions are all over the place, my hands shake so bad, I’m so tired but when I go to bed I can’t sleep.
I have to go and see the nurse practitioner on the 12th about it since it’s gotten so bad so quick, had an appointment with Amylyn at the end of the month but got the one with the np sooner.
I need to have an endoscopy done so they can stretch my esophagus and maybe help me to eat better. We can pay $200 down and make payments though I was told so going to have to present this offer.
I requested my medical records from dr sullivans office, was $20 but I think they’ll be spending it all on making those copies since it’s 2 folders of stuff. ugh

Talked to Gina some which was good. Need to call Alice back and see what the deal is with their computer since they keep calling.

I guess that’s really it for now, don’t feel much like typing.