Fated Strife

Listening to this song performed by Selah.. it’s just awesome. Words are sometime hard to find to describe how great hearing words like this is..

Wonderful, Merciful Savior - Selah

Wonderful mericiful Savior
Precious redeemer and friend
Who would have thought that a lamb could
Rescue the souls of men, Oh You rescue the souls of men

Counselor, comforter, keeper
Spirit we long to embrace
You offer hope when our hearts have
Hopelessly lost the way, Oh we hopelessly lost the way

You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace our
Hearts always hunger for, Oh our hearts always hunger for

Almighty infinite father
Faithfully loving Your own
Herein our weakness You find us
Falling before Your throne, Oh we’re falling before Your throne

This song can be found on their CD called Press on

I saw her today at a reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would meet her connection
At her feet was her footloose man

No, you can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need

I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she was gonna meet her connection
At her feet was her footloose man

You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

Oh yeah, hey hey hey, oh…

And I went down to the demonstration
To get my fair share of abuse
Singing, “We’re gonna vent our frustration
If we don’t we’re gonna blow a 50-amp fuse”
Sing it to me now…

You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need
Oh baby, yeah, yeah!

I went down to the Chelsea drugstore
To get your prescription filled
I was standing in line with Mr. Jimmy
And man, did he look pretty ill
We decided that we would have a soda
My favorite flavor, cherry red
I sung my song to Mr. Jimmy
Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was “dead”
I said to him

You can’t always get what you want, no!
You can’t always get what you want (tell ya baby)
You can’t always get what you want (no)
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need
Oh yes! Woo!

You get what you need–yeah, oh baby!
Oh yeah!

I saw her today at the reception
In her glass was a bleeding man
She was practiced at the art of deception
Well I could tell by her blood-stained hands

You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need

You can’t always get what you want (no, no baby)
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need, ah yes…

Well first of all the effexor stuff hasn’t been near as bad today, still having some trouble sleeping off and on but that’s been persistant for past few weeks. It has gotten worse since lowering the dosage but I’m sure it’ll resolve itself by the time I’m done with it.

I ate some good pals food earlier and I guess their delicious sauceburger was too much for my esophagus to handle as last 2 or 3 bites of it had gotten stuck right above the lower esophageal sphincter which led to much discomfort and pain, so after some vomiting I was able to get it unstuck. Was coughing up some of the phlegm and such er well make that stomach contents and to my suprise felt this cold feeling in gut and mouth and tasted that all too familar taste of blood. There was quite a bit of it too so keep a watchful eye on myself for a bit to see if I had caused more damage than I thought but seems it wasn’t too bad a bleed. I will follow up on this with Bobbie on Wednesday when I go back to Sullivan’s office since it didn’t seem to be a severe GI bleed I don’t feel that it was an emergency situation.

I found out Sunday that two of my best and longtime friends Derkhan and Lestat are leaving FFXI. Letstat had be come to Jeuno to pick up some stuff from him and all but just felt bad taking it. Him and Derk were one of 2 people to send me a card while I was in the hospital last year for my surgery and probably some of the most supportive friends someone could have. They were married last month also so a big congratulations goes out to them. It was a blessing to have them pass through my life cause they kept me up when I was down. Thank you to both of you for being a part of my life and I hope one day our paths will cross again.

Got to hang out with Angel some this weekend he’s still getting pretty bad migraines and such but seems to be doing better in some ways, so praying things will get better for him.

On Friday, July 14th I offically cut my my Effexor XR dosage of 150mg daily down to 75mg daily. This has been a major step for me to take and already it’s showing its ugly side. Venlafaxine has a very severe discontinuation syndrome associated with it.

Discontinuation effects may include irritability, hostility, headache, nausea, fatigue, dysphoria and the fairly-unique “brain shivers”. Rarer withdrawal symptoms include shaking legs, tremor, vertigo, dizziness and paresthesia. Other non-specific mental symptoms may include impaired concentration, bizarre dreams, agitation and suicidal thoughts.

Out of those I’ve so far have had the hostility, irritability, headache, nausea (I always have that though), restlessness and malaise. The tremor is there but has been for awhile anyway but have noticed it getting worse past few days, also got some paresthesia showing up. Fortunately the brain shivers haven’t presented yet, and having experienced them before I hope I am fortunate enough to avoid them this time.

Also worth noting is:

Antidepressant withdrawal effects do not indicate addiction, but are rather the results of the brain attempting to reach neurochemical stability after an abrupt change. These can be minimized or avoided by tapering off of the medication over a period of weeks.

The distinction between “withdrawal” effects and addiction may be nothing less than semantics to make a distinction between a prescribed anti-depressant and illicit drugs, as addicts also suffer withdrawal effects when trying to stop taking an illicit drug. This is in the vein of the use of the term “self-medicating” to feel good as a euphemism for addiction. People reading about a drug like Effexor should be aware of these choices of words to minimize the actual reality of withdrawal “effects”.

Studies by Wyeth-Ayerst and others have reported occasional cases of withdrawal symptoms severe enough to require permanent use. In some of these cases, successful discontinuation was eventually achieved by the addition of fluoxetine, which was later discontinued itself without difficulty.

I have to say I’m not in the least bit depressed, I am worried that these symptoms could get worse and a dependency is made but I doubt it will happen.

I had originally intended to go down 37.5 a week from 150 instead of from 150->75->37.5 but once I reach the 37.5 I will do that for a week or so then every other day and eventually none. The anxiety from this is killing me and the doctor didn’t seem too inclined to offer anything to help ease everything while trying to get off this stuff.

I’m also applying for Patient Care Technician at the hospital and hoping I can finally get endo tech and possibly work my way into Dr. Sullivan’s office. I received a check from the hospital I was in during my surgery for $716.96 also on Friday which was a nice suprise. It’ll help with some of these bills I think and might drag me out of the pit of debt I’m in.

I just saw on the House MD Guide that a new book is due out in October and season 2 is due out soon. So go and pre-order now!

Also saw commerical about coinstar not charging a counting fee if you get the money back in a gift card for sites such as amazon or such so since I have such a large collection of coins that I’ve been meaning to cash in I might just do that and preorder those.